Something the Lord is teaching me in this season of life is to acknowledge Him as doing work that I have no ability to do myself. Like Mary who pondered great things in her heart, the Christian life should be more full of “what great thing are you going to do, God?” than “oh no, how should I make this work!?”. It’s when I step out of that quiet pondering and submissiveness and frantically run to the tough situation in attempts at fixing it that I find myself weary and burdened, confused and frustrated. And why do I run to fix situations too great and difficult for me? Some reasons are that I want it fixed my way, I’m afraid God can’t figure things out or I just don’t have the patience to wait on the Lord. Usually, all these reasons are valid at the same time.
When someone I love is pursuing the world, my reaction can tend to be to worry myself sick thinking of their future and what this means of their eternal soul. I go outside the bounds of prayer and trust and into a state of panic–“I need to figure this out!!”. Or when I think about my future and all of the unknowns, I should commit it to prayer and live faithfully for Christ each day, but I often go outside the bounds of trust and try exhaustedly to figure out what a future that is not in sight may look like for me. Because the thing is, I want everything in my future to look good. I want everyone to be saved, I want success in my endeavors and relationship, and I want to stay healthy. These are not necessarily bad desires, but when I want them so badly that they cause worry or manipulating of circumstances rather than prayer and trust, that’s when I realize they are no longer become good desires, but rather greedy wants.
As I withhold clinging desperately onto the type of earthly things I’d like to happen for the future, I finally acknowledge a truth and not a lie–God is in control, not me. That is when peace and contentment begins to overcome my soul and bring it true joy! Not because a Christian should have no desires met, but because the greatest desire that could ever be fulfilled in a Christian’s life is given to us already. We have Christ. We have a God who is for us, not against us, and who is completing our faith until glory. A God who will not withhold from us anything that will benefit us spiritually because of His great love for us.
As I begin to see and believe these promises, my grip loosens from this world and my hands are lifted up for worship. I gladly sing:
Psalm 131 My heart is not proud, Lord, my eyes are not haughty; I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me. But I have calmed and quieted myself, I am like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child I am content. [Ashtyn], put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore.